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Ten Autobiographical Steps From Saying "No" To Saying "Yes…"
Learning
to say "no" appropriately is quite an initiation, often termed
"having healthy boundaries." How healthy are those "boundaries?"
Defined as something that delineates a border or a limit, boundaries imply
that you are on this side, while I am on the other. They are viewed as
a protection. Yet, as long as I perceive a need for protection, am I not
projecting attack? It reminds me of this man having constructed a barricade
around his garden, to protect his carrots from being eaten by a sneaky
rabbit, to only discover that he had enclosed the rabbit in his new designed
fortress! What would it be like to live without boundaries, or sneaky
eating rabbit inside me? The following are ten autobiographical steps
to say "yes" and "no" authentically. Feel free to
travel these steps with me: my story may just be your story!
1. I don't say
"no" when…
I am afraid, I am afraid, I am afraid… I am afraid she won't like
me, if I say "no" to her. I divide people between losers and
winners. Adopting such perspective will inevitably make me concerned that
I may lose something, be lost, and/or be viewed as a loser… That
is the ultimate rejection, which is my greatest fear! I'd much rather
please Aunt Adele and compromise, just to convince her that I am on her
side, a winner. Anything not to be rejected!
2. I don't say
"no" when…
I am afraid, I am afraid, I am afraid… I am afraid I will end up
unloved and all alone. I have to be a team player to be safe. My reputation
and being accepted by my peers are foremost to me. My core belief is that
it's a jungle out there, and, that I would die if I were alone. Furthermore,
I have the thought that my needs won't be met unless I surround myself
with people who are obligated to me. So I say "yes" to you,
with the tacit agreement that, one day, you will say "yes" to
me. Now we owe each other: Anything not to be alone!
3. I don't say
"no" when…
I am afraid, I am afraid, I am afraid… I am afraid to challenge the
status quo. I can't say "no" to his demand. I don't want to
make waves. Good people don't make waves. Good people don't make noises.
They don't cause "trouble." They just follow the trend, and
then the next trend. Conditioning is good; it gives you a feeling of safety,
of knowing where you are. Then you don't have to make a decision, it is
all decided for you! I don't want to be disappointed, nor do I want to
disappoint Grandma Julie. Traditions are good. Anything not to change.
4. I don't say
"no" when…
I am afraid, I am afraid, I am afraid… I am afraid to speak my truth,
and sing my song: It is better for me to show up as a yes man than a no
woman, which are ultimately the two sides of the same coin. If not, I
will be perceived as an heretic, an original, a loony, a rebel… I
will have to leave the nest, and take on a larger domain of operation.
That is way too much work! I much rather hide my truth, be a good girl,
stuff my throat, thwart my expression, and do as Mommy wants, even if
it kills me. Anything not to be responsible.
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5. I don't say
"no" when…
I am afraid, I am afraid, I am afraid… I am afraid of how truth will
change my life. I'd rather not inquire on who is speaking, who is running
the show, is it the small I or the Big I, is it the ego or the heart?
If I were to say "no" to her, she would be in pain, and it would
be my entire fault! If I were to say "no" to him, he will be
hurt for the rest of his life. If I say "no" to them, they won't
have any other opportunity ever. It's dark in there, in those negative
scripts. It's dark and it's cold… Anything not to Turn on the Light!
6. On the other
hand, I dare say "yes"
When I come back to my heart, inside me. When I find sweetness there and
a home, a nurturing and endless source of unconditional acceptance. When
that harmony reflects on my world, which can no longer appear as hostile
and inhospitable to me. When I understand how profound it is to no longer
perceive that truth is unkind, and choose to speak that truth kindly…
I Am Intelligence.
7. I dare
say "yes"
When I accept that life is an evolutionary spiral, and that I learn
in stages. When I am willing to see the benefits I have derived from my
conditioning, and let it be as that; a good story that served me well
all those years! When I take on the challenge to be an individual, that
blossoms of his or her own unique fragrance, and fully create the mastery
of being needed just as I am, in my full uniqueness. I Am Forgiveness.
8. I dare say "yes"
When I look at life as an adventure, a rich and exciting current that
may take me right or left. I have surrendered controlling it. And that
is delicious, as my only knowing is that it will be good, it will be fun,
and it will be beautiful. I am traveling a labyrinth; there, some doors
open, some don't. I don't take the not opening (the "no") personally,
I don't assume or expect it either. I have reversed "no" to
"on", turned "on" the "no." I am electric
and on, I am travel and light. I travel light. I Am Adventure.
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9. I dare say "yes"
When I see that, if I am true to my heart in canceling my plans with Arthur
next week, even if it is at the last minute, Arthur will find himself
using the time of our meeting in ways that further his growth. Somehow,
a great opportunity will present itself to where he will see the harmony
of this shift. In a loving universe, there are only winners. When I help
myself, I help everyone. Even if Arthur chooses to be mad as hell because
I cancelled at the last minute, that experience will bring him one step
closer to recognizing he is the chooser of his experiences… I Am
Trust
10. I dare say
"yes"
When I choose peace, even if it means saying "no" to helping
my best friend move, "no" to my son who wants to borrow my car,
"no" to a macadamia double chocolate chip cookie… Acting
with the consequence of my actions in mind, I choose peace. The best fight
of all is when I don't have to fight anymore. When I am neither acquiescent
nor rebellious. When I live so deeply in my heart, that I only obey its
commands. I only have "yeses" for the Self. More than a reply,
it is a response, and a sacred vow, which says yes to life, yes to laughter,
yes to lightness. Ultimately YES to Love.
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Mahalene Louis is an Inspiration Anchor, a Futurist, an Artist, an Author and the President of Soulvision Axis, Inc., a company assisting the Leader, Officer, Visionary and Engineer in Self (or L.O.V.E. as the four primordial archetypes) to unleash their creativity and awaken their spirit by collaborating as one. She recently authored “CraQKing the QKabbalah QKode: How Healing the Jewish Agenda Connects (Your) Life!”
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